Operation... Awesome

Hello All,

This is my first time actually writing a blog, and well, to be honest, I am really excited. 

I see this as a positive thing that I will be doing for myself as a means of de-stressing, and giving the world a better idea of who I am... for those who care anyways. 

I suppose I can start off by giving you a brief summary of me.  I am an enormous lover of life.  I think life is such a glorious thing, and it bothers me when I feel like I am not appreciating the fact that I was given this life, and I ought to enjoy it.  I am currently in my 5th year of University, and well, I don't think I am meant to be a student.  This studying thing is not my forte.  I would much rather be interacting with others, moving around, being active, helping people, going to the gym taking a yoga class, or just learning about things that I choose to learn, not so much the things that I am Forced to learn.

I think I have just made it pretty clear that physical activity is an enormous part of my life. Health, Fitness and overwall wellness in my opinion are the pillars of life.  Without our health, what are we left with? Not a whole lot.  I go to the gym on a regular basis, I love cooking and eating healthy foods, I practice hot yoga, and I just love being outside.. especially if I am dressed appropriately for the weather.  I am typically very chilly, so sometimes its hard to keep warm. 

I am also a huge sucker for interaction.  I love people more than words can explain.  Humans are incredibly interesting to me.  Humans are extremely complex, and I find the biggest challenge is figuring them out.  I like to think that I can often read what a person is like upon initial interaction, but I seriously get a rush when I can't figure them out, and I often choose to give these types of situations more time in order to have a better understanding. 

My absolute favourite thing about people is when they open up to me.  My life actually becomes a million times brighter when I know that someone can confide in me.  I take pride in letting people know that what they share with me is sacred.  I take pride in knowing that I am an honest, open person, and people feel comfortable talking to with me.  For those of you who know me.. you know this is my absolute favourite.  As I continue blogging I will delve a little deeper into that realm of Sandy.  I often attract strangers... who feel something around me, and just open up for a few minutes. They come into my life, let it out.... and with the nod of a head, or a gentle hug or hand-shake... they are gone... I hope they are feeling more relief, because I know that when these occurances take place, my heart is  much happier than it was previously. 

I hope that makes sense, and you have a better idea of me.  Now on to other things.

I know I enjoy writing, and I often times catch myself writing these types of things in a small journal, that I end  up forgetting about.  I figure this way I will have some sort of a record of what is occurring in my life, and I can look back, and appreciate moments that I choose to share on here.  All in all.  I am excited. 

OK. so I am now in London, back to school, back to the grind.  It's been a busy start to say the least and there have been a few hard patches.  First and foremost, the hardest thing about being here is missing my St John's family, my loved ones in Fredericton, and my brother.  I could not be more thankful to have spent my entire summer with such incredible people. You all know who you are, so THANK YOU! The transition from such a warm, loving, accepting atmosphere that I experienced this summer, to this less warm, less loving, less accepting, and extremely competitive environment opens up my eyes, and forces me to recognize who I am, who I am not, and where I want to be at the end of this journey...

Now, I guess I'll go on to explain the school stuff.  Well, it's busy.  Very busy, and I often get caught up in too many ideas at once.  This is where "Operation Awesome" comes into play.  I am taking a full course load, I am making a slight alteration to my program, I am volunteering with 3 wonderful organizations... and well, I am also trying to take care of myself.. which I keep mananging to put on the back burner.  Now, back to Operation Awesome... this is where I make the  choice to look after myself, to allow my thoughts to  come in and out of my brain without creating a serious "thought-jam".  I find this interesting that I am even writing this out, because I am typically not one to get mustered up in emotions or negative, overwhelming thoughts.  I guess we all break sometimes. 

So, here I am... publicly writing about me.  This is such an interesting concept to me...

Another thing that has been managing to consume a lot of my thoughts....  Relationships...  Oddly enough, in my eyes I view relationships as being a positive, beautiful thing.... but for some reason, all of this relationship stuff is also bogging down my brain.  Not fun.  Having moments to myself where I cannot distinguish between what love really is, and whether or not I was truly loved plays a serious role in the thoughts that make up the "thought-jam" I think that with time these things manage to work themselves out, and the answers become exceptionally evident, but I guess it is the waiting game that leaves us feeling slightly..... lost.

I look back at the moments that I was here in London, alone, for the months of April-June.  I had a strength that has managed to slip out of my hands.... slightly... but I am definitely grabbing it back... now..

I was in school, and hating every moment that was spent sitting in that auditorium for hours upon hours listening to my professor elaborate on atoms, redox reactions, equilibrium, and everything else that means absolutely nothing in my mind...  But regardless of whether I was enormously detesting those moments, I was still happy.  I was taking care of me.  I was going to the gym every morning, I was preparing my food for the next day, I was getting myself to bed at a reasonable time, I was meeting new people, letting people into my life,  I looked at myself in the morning and would say to myself "despite the  shit that I am about the listen to today, life is awesome".  It really is. 

Operation Awesome Begins Now.