I think starting this blog was a brilliant idea, and I have to thank my friend Lauren for this immensely. THANK YOU LAUREN!
Today started off slightly differently than what I had anticipated. I slept in a little later than I had initially planned, but I feel rested, and refreshed. Life is good!
I mentioned yesterday that I was making a slight alteration to my program. I did it. Wow. I feel so much better about this decision. I will give you a slight overview of what I was doing, and what I plan on doing now. Initially when I moved to London, I came to school thinking I wanted to be a Registered Dietician. I fortunately got accepted to the program on my first attempt. To my demise however, I didn't take such a good look at the curriculum. I was not aware that I would be doing 4 Chemistry courses... which were never my forte to say the least. This picture depicts the havoc that the sciences would wreak into my life........
In my head, and in my heart, I knew that I was not completely in it. I feared going to Chemistry every day for the fear of failing... and believe it or not, I failed. I failed it the first attempt, I just passed at the second attempt, and while I was on my third attempt... I thought to myself, is this what I really want? Is this really worth all of this time and energy? I sat myself down and finally had my moment.
I realized that what I wanted to do with this degree did NOT require being a Registered Dietician. Believe me, I think being an R.D. is pretty cool, but not for me at this point in my life. OK, so I switched programs. I am still specializing in Food, but I am also specializing in Families. Pretty cool stuff in my eyes. I get to learn about food, and families, and I don't have to sit through all of these science lectures that manage to suck up every ounce of energy and positivity in my life.
The point here is, I still get to do what I want with this degree. I get to work with kids, I get to help people, I get to be active and interact with people every day, AND it includes food. Awesome.
I also signed up for another volunteer position today to fill up some more time, and I am pretty excited about it, and it is extremely relative to what I plan on doing in the future. It is a research project, so as time goes on, I will give you some more details! It's about food, people, and behaviours... what more could I ask for?
Time to change the subject. I had mentioned yesterday that I was feeling rather overwhelemed by the the thought of relationships and love. Well... that hasn't really changed.
I am certain that most, if not all of us have felt funny feelings regarding relationships, what they mean, what they don't mean, and whether or not they are worth it. If you haven't experienced any of these emotions... then, well.. that is pretty awesome.
Have you ever been in a situation where you felt so sure of yourself, you are so sure that making this decision is so right, then the moment it is done, you think to yourself..."shit, what have I done?" I think this often happens in relationships. This is where a big-fat question mark comes into play in my mind.
So, you have made this decision, it seemed like the right one building up to it, and then moments after the decision is done, you're left feeling an abundance of regret and fear. Are you afraid of being alone? Or are you afraid that you won't find someone to love you the way you were once loved? Or are you afraid that you may get hurt somewhere down the road? Or are you afraid of hurting someone else? Or did you just let go of the best thing that has ever happened to you?
So many of these questions run through my head. THEN... I think back to a conversation that I once had with a friend. He and his girlfriend had been in a slightly rocky situation. One day they were together, the next they were not, and when they were not together, they seemed to move on relatively fast. He said to me..."But Sandy, if she actually loved me, why can she SO easily move on to someone else?" This perpetually rings through my mind. And this is where the question of what love is comes into play.
If you love someone, is it really that easy to move onto someone else? Why are you moving on so quickly? Is it because you cannot bare the feeling of being alone? Or is it because you need the constant reassurance of being loved and needed. I don't really get it.
Wow. Heavy Stuff. Sorry. But have you been through these feelings? Does it ever make you fear your future?
It's kind of funny because I am such a huge fan of love. I often think I love too much for my own good. My heart melts so easily, and I often get caught up falling in love with some of the simplest things in life. I think this is something that I like about myself.
For example, cooking. I absolutely LOVE cooking. What I love more than cooking is cooking for other people, and seeing them smile as they eat my creation. Very rarely I get some funny looks, and I get a question like "Sand, what is this?"... that's a dead give away that what I have concocted wasn't so delicious, but that doesn't bother me.. I'd rather just move past it, and keep cooking other tastier foods, and feeding people things that I know are healthy, hearty, and made with love.
As my blog grows, and I become more blog savvy, I may start putting up my recipes, and I might start posting ideas regarding health, wellness, and over all happiness.
This past summer, I created a small recipe book of my own personal recipes. Maybe I will throw a few of them on here every so often.
Now that I have let all of this out, I am off to get started on some much needed studying.
I still can't seem to get over this concept of blogging. I know that so many people write for so many different reasons, but I just find this so relaxing, and it defintiley helps me organize the thoughts in my brain. I am feeling a great sense of appreciation for this... maybe that what I will talk about tomorrow... appreciation.
Today... there is a much smaller "thought-jam." Operation Awesome continues..:)
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