beauty comes from the being within...

Up until this point in my life, the question of "Who Am I?" never really crossed my mind.  Maybe once in a blue moon when I was experiencing some sort of epiphany, or maybe even when I was under the influence of some sort of mind-altering substance, but the thought was never something that ever invaded my thoughts. 

Over the course of the past year however, the question is certainly much more prominent in my mind.  I think it may have to do with the fact that I have noticed that many of the people around me do not seem to know who They are.  I am noticing this more and more each day.

I know who I am.  I know what I believe in.  I know what I love and I know what I hate.  I know who I am in this world.  I may not have the slighest clue where I want to be in my life in the future, but I certainly know that who I am as a person does not change.  I don't change from person to person.  I am me, and I am thankful for that.  All of this being said, I am human, and I think I am pretty good at gaging certain situations. So, of course in certain situations with elders, superiors, friends and family, there are slight differences in my persona.  But in all of these situations and scenarios, Sandy is Sandy.  She does not change.  Some of my vocabulary may be slightly altered in order to not offend anyone, but my honesty, my integrity, and my morals are in no way, shape or form comprimised.  I am me. 

I can only imagine how exhausting it must be for those people who alter themselves for the people around them.  I wish these people would simply love themselves, and realize that if someone does not like them, that is perfectly fine.  What would this world be if we were all the same.  If we all liked the same things? There would be no passion, no individualism.  As time progresses, the world is becoming this enormous brewing pot of universality.  WHY? DON'T DO IT! Be Yourself, Fool!

Ever since my childhood, I have managed to take on some sort of a maternal role.  I have played the Mom-Role in countless scenarios and different dynamics.  That was how I would define myself in the world at an extremely young age.  At times this is my favourite part about myself, but at some points in my life, it can be my detriment.  Since my previous break-up one of that largest hurdles that I had to overcome was my desire to take care of someone.  As time continues to pass, I am learning that I am a "someone" too, and I deserve to take care of myself.  Despite the stress, despite the confusion and sadness that has led me to this realization, I could not be more thankful. 

So, back to my initial  reason for starting this post today.  Do you know who you are? How do you define yourself? Are you real? Or are you only real based on circumstances? Do you only invest in certain situations when you know you're going to benefit from it? Or are you consistent in your being?

I am asking these questions because these are the thoughts that pass in and out of my mind as I see people around me pop in and out of my life whenever it seems convenient. 

Being an extremely intuitive person, I can often catch on to these things.  I am aware that I am a person who may not always "seem" like I am paying attention, but believe it or not, 99% of the time, I am, and in that time, chances are I am thinking... pretty profoundly about what is being said to me, and whether it is something that I truly believe, or whether I feel it is complete and utter rubbish.  Facades are my forte.  I can usually tell when someone is simply putting on a face, or whether they are genuine.

Side note.... This only seems to apply in the "friend" and "aquaintance" worlds of my life... I am not so good at gaging romatic situations.... This is something that I figure will just eventually make sense.  I don't particularly see the need in investing too much thought into romance.  It will happen when its meant to happen.

Ok, so back to what I was saying...this being said, I can often times see and feel if a person if putting on this facade because they have become so lost and so immeresed in the idea of pleasing others, that they have managed to lose themselves along the way.  Sad times. Really

I guess these are just thoughts that have been in my mind over the past few months, and at times, these thoughts would embed some anxiety into my life, but as these thoughts would come in an out of my brain, the one thing that remained the same was that I knew who I was in this world, and at the end of the day that would resonate positvity in my life.  I was allowing the uncertainties of others exhaust my thoughts, but realizing that was a complete waste of energy has been... beautiful.. really. 

I guess what I am trying to get at here is... be yourself.  We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses, and in our own little ways, we are all beautiful beings.  Being individual is important, no two human beings are exactly the same.  We have all be loved, or unloved, twisted and straightened out, built-up and broken down, lost and found, and shattered and refurbished in some way in our lives. This is what defines our paradigms and the way we see the world.  It is ridding ourselves of the biases that we expect others to expect and being the person that we love. It's about being YOU, and being proud of that.