Monday, 3 September 2012
Life By Design- 30 Day Challenge.. Count me in.
I have been MIA.. again.. Surprised? Well, you shouldn't be.
This is a long one, so be prepared...
The posts that will follow will not be this long, I just figured I'd offer a bit of a recap here.
I am back now though, and I am making the commitment to be here for at least the next 30 days.
Over the past year, I have been fortunate enough to cross paths with some pretty spectacular folks. The people that I am talking about specifically in this post are those who are Life By Design'ers...
I could go on and on about how wonderful these people are, and how much I love hearing about the way they lead such AWESOME LIVES! They have a purpose. I feel like they are helping me find mine.
One large component of Life By Design is "Eat By Design". and when I think back to the past couple of years of my life, I have been intuitively listening to my body, listening to my brain, recognizing what foods make me feel best and what foods make me feel tired, groggy, sad...
Without even knowing that this way of eating had a title, I adopted it. I think that is pretty cool. If we actually want to create change in our lives we have to listen to our bodies, we have to listen to the way we feel, and hone in on WHY we are feeling that way. After honing in, I realized that cutting out grains, cutting out sugar, cutting out dairy were all things that were contributing to a lower quality of life.
Now, here comes a bit of a back story about me. A little history lesson on Sandy.
This transition took me a long time of listening and addressing how I was feeling, and why. It all started when I was with my ex boyfriend in 2007. We ate junk food all the time, we watched movies all the time, we had enormous meals that were unhealthy... all the time. Surely.. this lead to the two of us gaining substantial amounts of weight. I put on a solid 30-40 lbs, and he matched that... and then some.
Things in our relationship started to go sour, he became depressed, and I felt like I was no longer desirable due to my weight gain.
I got a gym membership, and slowly... very slowly started to make some changes. I jumped from one fad-diet to the next... but then after countless attempts of trying to listen to what OTHERS said I should eat, I started listening to what SANDY should eat.
This was a long, hard battle. It was challenging at times. It led me to a few dark spots in my life. It led to some interesting relationships with food, and it led to an interesting relationship with myself and my physical body.
Growing up, I was always teased for being chubby, I was teased because I had a crooked smile, I was teased because I could eat more toast in the morning than my older brother. Moving into my early adulthood and trying to lose weight... I often went back to the feeling that I felt when I was a young girl. I felt embarrassed, I felt alone, and I felt extremely unhappy with my body.
It has been a bit of a roller coaster, and well, its only recently that I am able and willing to talk about it.
Over the past few years I have dealt with incredible amounts of criticism. Criticism from friends, family, and believe it or not, even strangers. People looking at me and asking WHY do you eat that way? Why won't you eat "Carbs"? Why? Why? Why?
For the first while, I would succumb to this. I would go ahead and eat it because I didn't want to seem.... anal. After a while, I realized that it was not worth it. When I would go ahead and eat things that I knew were not right for me, I would go home and suffer from it. I would feel tired, I would feel uncomfortable, and I was never happy with myself afterwards. So why continue doing it? Don't. Simple.
As with many of my previous posts, I have explained that this past year has been a pretty interesting year of my life. I have gone through a lot of transitions. Some more challenging than others, but all of which are leading to a life that is even MORE AWESOME.
Being in a committed relationship for so many years of my life, and then being single for an entire year of my life has allowed me to focus more on me, and learn to love myself a lot more than I ever thought possible. I am getting there. I am starting to be OK with my own company. Go figure.
Not only am I more OK with my own company, but I have also learned to make better choices with the people that I choose to keep in my life. I am allowed to take time for me, and not feel obligated to others at all times. It has been a refreshing year to say the least.
With regards to food, I eat what I want, when I want it. I eat real food. I enjoy real food. It makes me feel good.
Day 1 of the 30 Day Eat By Design challenge has begun. Over the next 30 Days I will do my best to be more technologically savvy and throw in some pictures of what I will be eating, and how I will be Thinking, and Moving By Design.
Oh Yeah- and Thank you Masonville Starbucks. You've brought some pretty awesome people into my life.
:)
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
Operation Awesome Thus Far..
Tuesday.
Terrific Tuesday. A day of realizations.
So I guess I can start off by a little recap of life. In general. What's been happening.
Maybe I will start with a check list..
Happiness-Check
Health-Check
Mental Well-being- Check
Confidence-Check
Learning to love myself- Check
Smiling Every day- Check
Laughing Out Loud- Check
Independence- Check
Good Friends- Check
I probably shouldn't say that today is a day of realizations... mainly because this entire year has been a revolutionary year, and to be honest, I could not be more thankful for what this past year has offered me.
I have worked through a few things. I am so thankful, and I am so happy. I finally feel like Sandy. I don't really know what else to say about that. I am learning so many things about me. I am learning that life always has an incredible way of working out. Life has an incredible way of making sense, and most of all, I am learning that thinking too much is also extremely unnecessary.
Being me is OK. Accepting that the world has a special way of doing things is actually incredible.
Energy. This is huge for me. I have become a pretty enormous believer in energy. What kind of energy am I giving off? What kind of energy am I taking from others? What kind of situations am I in that are energy- based? All the same, I believe that pretty much all situations are energy-based... but I think you have an idea of what I am saying.
One of the biggest contributing factors to my personal energy is over all health.
I realize now more than ever when I am treating my body the way it ought to be treated, it gives me a lot more freedom to be me in the world around me. Being me is far more natural when I am putting the right foods in my body, when I am working out the way that I know makes me feel best. When my body feels good, my brain is clear, when my brain is clear my energy soars. It brings the people that I want close, closer, and it allows me to disconnect from situations that are not beneficial.
OK.. NOW GET THIS. Another Realization.
IT IS TOTALLY OK TO NOT ALWAYS WANT TO BE AROUND EVERYONE. THAT IS OK!
I have also realized that I don't always have to be everyone else's rock. Don't get me wrong, I love being there for people. I love listening. I love helping others figure it out for themselves. BUT... I don't always have to do that. I have realized that I was getting myself into situations that were robbing me of my own energy, I would go home feeling... Empty... or people would leave my house, and I would be left with an overwhelming sense of emptiness and lack of fulfillment . Now, what has this realization done for me?
Most importantly, I have learned that at the end of the day, relying on yourself is extremely important. Relying on your own wants, needs and desires is incredibly refreshing. When I can wake up knowing that I am independent and completely capable without constant reassurance from others, my insides feel.... whole. Oh the beauty of writing it out..:)
It has helped me be more critical about the people that I choose to have in my life. It helped me realize that Sandy deserves to be surrounding herself with people who make her feel good. It has helped me realize that it is OK to be selfish sometimes. Wait. I don't call it selfish. I call it self-less and honestly, it is real-life. If I am not healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, then at the end of the day, I am absolutely NO GOOD to anyone else.
In order for me to be successful, in order for me to live my life to its fullest I need to take care of my roots. By my roots; I mean the rocks and the basis of my life... and what should be the basis of everyone's life really. Mental, Physical and Emotional Health. Without these needs being met, I am inevitably making my own life more challenging than it needs to be.
Life is not meant to be Hard. It's also not meant to be Easy. I think its meant to be a journey more or less. A journey with some hills to climb, and a journey with some valleys to coast down. I think its this is the way life is meant to be.
In order for anyone to experience a such a journey one must be open. One must be willing to accept that health is of utmost importance. One must be open to the concept of change. One must be authentic. One must realize that life is not black, its not white, it's a whole slew of gray. And those gray area's.. they're all OK.:)
That's all I've got.
Operation Awesome... continues..:)
Terrific Tuesday. A day of realizations.
So I guess I can start off by a little recap of life. In general. What's been happening.
Maybe I will start with a check list..
Happiness-Check
Health-Check
Mental Well-being- Check
Confidence-Check
Learning to love myself- Check
Smiling Every day- Check
Laughing Out Loud- Check
Independence- Check
Good Friends- Check
I probably shouldn't say that today is a day of realizations... mainly because this entire year has been a revolutionary year, and to be honest, I could not be more thankful for what this past year has offered me.
I have worked through a few things. I am so thankful, and I am so happy. I finally feel like Sandy. I don't really know what else to say about that. I am learning so many things about me. I am learning that life always has an incredible way of working out. Life has an incredible way of making sense, and most of all, I am learning that thinking too much is also extremely unnecessary.
Being me is OK. Accepting that the world has a special way of doing things is actually incredible.
Energy. This is huge for me. I have become a pretty enormous believer in energy. What kind of energy am I giving off? What kind of energy am I taking from others? What kind of situations am I in that are energy- based? All the same, I believe that pretty much all situations are energy-based... but I think you have an idea of what I am saying.
One of the biggest contributing factors to my personal energy is over all health.
I realize now more than ever when I am treating my body the way it ought to be treated, it gives me a lot more freedom to be me in the world around me. Being me is far more natural when I am putting the right foods in my body, when I am working out the way that I know makes me feel best. When my body feels good, my brain is clear, when my brain is clear my energy soars. It brings the people that I want close, closer, and it allows me to disconnect from situations that are not beneficial.
OK.. NOW GET THIS. Another Realization.
IT IS TOTALLY OK TO NOT ALWAYS WANT TO BE AROUND EVERYONE. THAT IS OK!
I have also realized that I don't always have to be everyone else's rock. Don't get me wrong, I love being there for people. I love listening. I love helping others figure it out for themselves. BUT... I don't always have to do that. I have realized that I was getting myself into situations that were robbing me of my own energy, I would go home feeling... Empty... or people would leave my house, and I would be left with an overwhelming sense of emptiness and lack of fulfillment . Now, what has this realization done for me?
Most importantly, I have learned that at the end of the day, relying on yourself is extremely important. Relying on your own wants, needs and desires is incredibly refreshing. When I can wake up knowing that I am independent and completely capable without constant reassurance from others, my insides feel.... whole. Oh the beauty of writing it out..:)
It has helped me be more critical about the people that I choose to have in my life. It helped me realize that Sandy deserves to be surrounding herself with people who make her feel good. It has helped me realize that it is OK to be selfish sometimes. Wait. I don't call it selfish. I call it self-less and honestly, it is real-life. If I am not healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, then at the end of the day, I am absolutely NO GOOD to anyone else.
In order for me to be successful, in order for me to live my life to its fullest I need to take care of my roots. By my roots; I mean the rocks and the basis of my life... and what should be the basis of everyone's life really. Mental, Physical and Emotional Health. Without these needs being met, I am inevitably making my own life more challenging than it needs to be.
Life is not meant to be Hard. It's also not meant to be Easy. I think its meant to be a journey more or less. A journey with some hills to climb, and a journey with some valleys to coast down. I think its this is the way life is meant to be.
In order for anyone to experience a such a journey one must be open. One must be willing to accept that health is of utmost importance. One must be open to the concept of change. One must be authentic. One must realize that life is not black, its not white, it's a whole slew of gray. And those gray area's.. they're all OK.:)
That's all I've got.
Operation Awesome... continues..:)
Thursday, 9 February 2012
No pictures, just thoughts.
So, I was not kidding when I said that my last post was the first in a while, and the next would surely take a while to appear as well.
Here goes.
Thoughts... OUT.
Since I have been living in London, I have managed to develop a sense of.... something. I am not entirely sure what this something is.. but allow me to explain.
Every day, I have some sort of a plan. Every day I know when I am waking up, when I am going to class, when I am going to study, when my next assignment is due, when my next group meeting is, I know what I am eating when I am heading to the gym, when I am going to get groceries, when I am going to make it to yoga, when and where I am volunteering for any of the four given commitments I have made.... and the list goes on and on and on. With so many things on the go, I have managed to lose a little piece of Sandy.
I have managed to lose the little part of me that can really relax. Let's not confuse that with embracing. I have managed to keep tabs on my ability to embrace what is happening in that specific moment... However, going back to my inability to relax... I'm not entirely sure how that makes me feel. Actually, yes.. I do. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like a little part of me is missing. I know that this is all a part of the "university experience"... but... I think in the midst of midterms and studying and everything else.. my brain is becoming mushy and I am in need of some serious Sandy time.
To delve a little deeper into my thought process, I will continue on this tangent. As I stated previously.. I KNOW all of these things are going to happen, and I KNOW in what order they are going to happen, and for some reason, despite the chaos, I become somewhat OK with it all. What I am not so OK with is the studying/exam part of it all. I guess it creates so much unease for me because... well... I DON'T KNOW how its going to go. I don't know what I am going to be tested on. I do know that I have put in my best effort to KNOW the content, but I don't like the instability of NOT knowing, and that is just the icing on the cake when everything else seems to be ruling my life.
I don't think that makes me any different than any other student... but I guess this was just my way of coping with it all. Prior to writing this out, I was reading the same paragraph over and over again with a knot in my stomach not knowing what was happening inside. Writing it out helps. A lot.
On a positive note, I met with my academic counselor today. Relief. Graduation is in site. I could graduate earlier than December with a regular major's degree, but with the honors specialization at the tip of my fingers, it seems foolish to not stick it out.. I am here.. I might as well get it done... and well, that also brings me one step closer to getting my MPH...
Despite the extremely LONG route I have taken up until this point.. 3 universities later,almost 3 years off, and at least 20-25 "homes" in the past... 7 years.. I couldn't be more thankful. I am blessed to be where I am today. I have experienced things that I would never exchange for the world. I have met people that have taught me so much. I have loved and I have lost, and I have broken down and picked myself back up. Life is good. Appreciating what these moments have to offer is truly eye-opening.
At the beginning of this post.. I felt overwhelmed. I felt scared, and I felt.. vulnerable. I guess it is a good thing to feel vulnerable at times. It forces you to see the good. It forces you to open you eyes and appreciate the world of goodness that surrounds us. We could waste our time wallowing in our sorrows and living in fear. But at the end of the day.. what is the WORST possible thing that could happen? Chances are.. it is probably not that bad. If the worst possible thing happened.. then chances are.. it was meant to happen because you were meant to take a different route. At the end of the day, it always makes sense.. hindsight is always 20/20.
Wait, wait.
One more thing. When I asked "what is the worst possible thing that can happen.." I should have also stated the GREAT thing that come from EVERY scenario.
Life. Is. Good.
Here goes.
Thoughts... OUT.
Since I have been living in London, I have managed to develop a sense of.... something. I am not entirely sure what this something is.. but allow me to explain.
Every day, I have some sort of a plan. Every day I know when I am waking up, when I am going to class, when I am going to study, when my next assignment is due, when my next group meeting is, I know what I am eating when I am heading to the gym, when I am going to get groceries, when I am going to make it to yoga, when and where I am volunteering for any of the four given commitments I have made.... and the list goes on and on and on. With so many things on the go, I have managed to lose a little piece of Sandy.
I have managed to lose the little part of me that can really relax. Let's not confuse that with embracing. I have managed to keep tabs on my ability to embrace what is happening in that specific moment... However, going back to my inability to relax... I'm not entirely sure how that makes me feel. Actually, yes.. I do. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like a little part of me is missing. I know that this is all a part of the "university experience"... but... I think in the midst of midterms and studying and everything else.. my brain is becoming mushy and I am in need of some serious Sandy time.
To delve a little deeper into my thought process, I will continue on this tangent. As I stated previously.. I KNOW all of these things are going to happen, and I KNOW in what order they are going to happen, and for some reason, despite the chaos, I become somewhat OK with it all. What I am not so OK with is the studying/exam part of it all. I guess it creates so much unease for me because... well... I DON'T KNOW how its going to go. I don't know what I am going to be tested on. I do know that I have put in my best effort to KNOW the content, but I don't like the instability of NOT knowing, and that is just the icing on the cake when everything else seems to be ruling my life.
I don't think that makes me any different than any other student... but I guess this was just my way of coping with it all. Prior to writing this out, I was reading the same paragraph over and over again with a knot in my stomach not knowing what was happening inside. Writing it out helps. A lot.
On a positive note, I met with my academic counselor today. Relief. Graduation is in site. I could graduate earlier than December with a regular major's degree, but with the honors specialization at the tip of my fingers, it seems foolish to not stick it out.. I am here.. I might as well get it done... and well, that also brings me one step closer to getting my MPH...
Despite the extremely LONG route I have taken up until this point.. 3 universities later,almost 3 years off, and at least 20-25 "homes" in the past... 7 years.. I couldn't be more thankful. I am blessed to be where I am today. I have experienced things that I would never exchange for the world. I have met people that have taught me so much. I have loved and I have lost, and I have broken down and picked myself back up. Life is good. Appreciating what these moments have to offer is truly eye-opening.
At the beginning of this post.. I felt overwhelmed. I felt scared, and I felt.. vulnerable. I guess it is a good thing to feel vulnerable at times. It forces you to see the good. It forces you to open you eyes and appreciate the world of goodness that surrounds us. We could waste our time wallowing in our sorrows and living in fear. But at the end of the day.. what is the WORST possible thing that could happen? Chances are.. it is probably not that bad. If the worst possible thing happened.. then chances are.. it was meant to happen because you were meant to take a different route. At the end of the day, it always makes sense.. hindsight is always 20/20.
Wait, wait.
One more thing. When I asked "what is the worst possible thing that can happen.." I should have also stated the GREAT thing that come from EVERY scenario.
Life. Is. Good.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Fear, Clarity and Happiness lie solely in the paradigms in which we choose...
Hello All,
OK, so yes, it's been a while since I have posted.. and lets be honest, there's a slight chance that the next post may take a while to come up... but.. I do this at my leisure, and to be honest, I haven't been spending much time in front of my computer screen, or "leisuring" for that matter... (yes, I know that's not a word..)
Maybe I fibbed I bit. I could have made time to write, but instead I chose to be more socially-engaged in my short trip home to Fredericton, and another glorious trip to St John's NL... I was taking part in activities that did not include me being solitary staring at my computer screen in silence of any amount of time. The people, the feelings, the "doing anything and nothing" with the ones I care about was far more appealing than zoning out into cyber space.
The lack of writing does not mean that there has been a lack of thought process. To be completely honest, I have a million and one little posts that I have started, but with so many distractions... my brain managed to get too caught up in too many thoughts that I just put them aside. This evening, I deleted all of them with a new plan.
I plan to write more clearly, concisely, and with one specific point. This post is clearly about being more clear. How about I say the word "clear" once more?
I feel as though clarity is something that we all seek, and we all strive for; but in all honesty, when are our day to day activities purely black and white? When do we accept that the grey areas in life are actually full of opportunity, and when the clarity does arise in hindsight, it makes you wonder why you were ever concerned with the grey area in the first place.
I suppose I could make this a little more personal as opposed to speaking metaphorically about my life in colors. Sometimes... I become fearful. I am fearful that I may fail, I am fearful that I am making the wrong decisions, I am fearful that I hold myself back from great opportunities, and all in all, I am fearful of being... fearful. I am making myself sound like a really big "scaredy cat"... but I am not really THAT bad.
I am actually a relatively fearless person when it comes to many aspects of life... the biggest factor of fear for me lies in the future. Spontaneity should probably be my middle name, but I guess I am at a point in my life where I am trying to find a more clear picture of what my life is going to entail... which is evidently the scariest part of it all for me.
Tonight I am going to focus solely on my fear of failing, and what is ideal to me. Maybe it will help you solidify your thoughts about what is ideal to you...:)
I am afraid at times that my degree is not going to get me to the "ideal" place in life... but as I am writing this, I am realizing more and more that there is no ideal.. Is there?
I suppose "ideal" has a completely different meaning for each and every individual. What may be "ideal" to me, may quite possibly be the biggest nightmare for you.
Ideally my life would consist of helping people. It would consist of an enormous amount of interaction. Ideally this interaction would entail me listening, and helping others have a better understanding of themselves. I most definitely realize that I could have a career where I "tell" people what to do with regards to their health, their wellness, their fitness and everything else under the sun, but instead I want to help them figure it out for themselves. I want others to realize how wonderful they can be, how great they can feel inside and out, how beautiful they are as intellectual beings, and above all, I suppose I just want to make a difference.
When you take a look at yourself... the biggest feats that you have overcome are more than likely those obstacles that you have WANTED to overcome. The strength came from within. The motivation came from within. Your desire, your drive, your passion all came from within. So when I say I want to help others have a better understanding of themselves, that is exactly what I am saying. I want to help others FIND it within themselves. At the end of the day, if I am able to make others realize their happiness, I consider that to be a job well-done... ie. IDEAL.
As humans we often relate everyone in the entire universe to OURSELVES... but in reality, everyone else in the entire universe are individuals.. just like you and me. Each individual possesses individual traits, and no two people should be compared. What one may love, another may hate. What may make one laugh, may make another cry. What may make one angry, may make another happy. I could go on for days, but you get what I am saying. So, why not let individuals seek their own route to happiness and fulfillment? Why not help them pave the road instead of potentially driving them in the other direction?
Now back to the failing part of it all. I realize that in every aspect of life there is the opportunity to fail. Notice I said opportunity to fail. WOW. I need to write more often. Epiphany. Failing can be seen as failing, but it can also be seen as opportunity. We have all heard of the saying "when one door closes, another one opens." So, maybe this is the time for me to bring this fear of failing to a complete halt. YES. You should too..:)
By writing this tonight, I have managed to put myself at ease, I have managed to answer some of my own questions. Maybe I should be a little more consistent with this writing thing. Perhaps I will commit to writing at least one post a week.
First resolution of 2012- Write More.
Operation Awesome continues.
OK, so yes, it's been a while since I have posted.. and lets be honest, there's a slight chance that the next post may take a while to come up... but.. I do this at my leisure, and to be honest, I haven't been spending much time in front of my computer screen, or "leisuring" for that matter... (yes, I know that's not a word..)
Maybe I fibbed I bit. I could have made time to write, but instead I chose to be more socially-engaged in my short trip home to Fredericton, and another glorious trip to St John's NL... I was taking part in activities that did not include me being solitary staring at my computer screen in silence of any amount of time. The people, the feelings, the "doing anything and nothing" with the ones I care about was far more appealing than zoning out into cyber space.
The lack of writing does not mean that there has been a lack of thought process. To be completely honest, I have a million and one little posts that I have started, but with so many distractions... my brain managed to get too caught up in too many thoughts that I just put them aside. This evening, I deleted all of them with a new plan.
I plan to write more clearly, concisely, and with one specific point. This post is clearly about being more clear. How about I say the word "clear" once more?
I feel as though clarity is something that we all seek, and we all strive for; but in all honesty, when are our day to day activities purely black and white? When do we accept that the grey areas in life are actually full of opportunity, and when the clarity does arise in hindsight, it makes you wonder why you were ever concerned with the grey area in the first place.
I suppose I could make this a little more personal as opposed to speaking metaphorically about my life in colors. Sometimes... I become fearful. I am fearful that I may fail, I am fearful that I am making the wrong decisions, I am fearful that I hold myself back from great opportunities, and all in all, I am fearful of being... fearful. I am making myself sound like a really big "scaredy cat"... but I am not really THAT bad.
I am actually a relatively fearless person when it comes to many aspects of life... the biggest factor of fear for me lies in the future. Spontaneity should probably be my middle name, but I guess I am at a point in my life where I am trying to find a more clear picture of what my life is going to entail... which is evidently the scariest part of it all for me.
Tonight I am going to focus solely on my fear of failing, and what is ideal to me. Maybe it will help you solidify your thoughts about what is ideal to you...:)
I am afraid at times that my degree is not going to get me to the "ideal" place in life... but as I am writing this, I am realizing more and more that there is no ideal.. Is there?
I suppose "ideal" has a completely different meaning for each and every individual. What may be "ideal" to me, may quite possibly be the biggest nightmare for you.
Ideally my life would consist of helping people. It would consist of an enormous amount of interaction. Ideally this interaction would entail me listening, and helping others have a better understanding of themselves. I most definitely realize that I could have a career where I "tell" people what to do with regards to their health, their wellness, their fitness and everything else under the sun, but instead I want to help them figure it out for themselves. I want others to realize how wonderful they can be, how great they can feel inside and out, how beautiful they are as intellectual beings, and above all, I suppose I just want to make a difference.
When you take a look at yourself... the biggest feats that you have overcome are more than likely those obstacles that you have WANTED to overcome. The strength came from within. The motivation came from within. Your desire, your drive, your passion all came from within. So when I say I want to help others have a better understanding of themselves, that is exactly what I am saying. I want to help others FIND it within themselves. At the end of the day, if I am able to make others realize their happiness, I consider that to be a job well-done... ie. IDEAL.
As humans we often relate everyone in the entire universe to OURSELVES... but in reality, everyone else in the entire universe are individuals.. just like you and me. Each individual possesses individual traits, and no two people should be compared. What one may love, another may hate. What may make one laugh, may make another cry. What may make one angry, may make another happy. I could go on for days, but you get what I am saying. So, why not let individuals seek their own route to happiness and fulfillment? Why not help them pave the road instead of potentially driving them in the other direction?
This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~George Bernard Shaw
By writing this tonight, I have managed to put myself at ease, I have managed to answer some of my own questions. Maybe I should be a little more consistent with this writing thing. Perhaps I will commit to writing at least one post a week.
First resolution of 2012- Write More.
Operation Awesome continues.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
these days pass with the blink of a eye...
BEEP. BEEP.BEEP.BEEP.BEEP. This is the sound of what so many of us wake up to on a daily basis. Some of us wake up to a melody, or maybe even the radio, but in general, many of us wake up to some sort of an alarm... EVERY morning. Maybe its not a machine, maybe its your child, or your pet, or maybe its a loved one in need. Regardless, most of us wake up to "something" in the morning. Sometimes we want to turn it all off, and some times we awaken refreshed and ready to face the day ahead.
Since being in London, I have noticed some changes in the way that I view my day. I have noticed some changes in the way people around me view theirs. I can often displace myself from the stresses that others are feeling, but at times, I can't help but get caught up in the hussle-bussle of it all.
I had a moment yesterday when it hit me, and then I laughed at myself and actually said out-loud " wow, Sandy, that was not you at all" and I actually felt a small bit of guilt. As was driving, a car had jumped out in front of me on a road where the speed is about 70, and they were doing a MAXIMUM of 20. I got caught up in the thoughts of " what the hell are these people doing" and honked my horn... when normally my thought process would have been something a little more empathetic and understanding. It felt weird.
I acted as if my time was more important than someone elses. And lets be honest, no one's time is more important than anyone elses. We're all born, and we all exist in this same world, and time passes for all of us collectively. What we choose to do with our time is what makes us all different.
Focussing on what's next seems to be the trend of today. Lately, I have been realizing that I cannot keep focussing on whats next, mainly because it seems to clog up my brain. Instead I have been focussing more on the task at hand. Realizing that I am human, I am not superwoman, nor am I good at multi-tasking, I need to focus more on what I am doing as opposed to what I am going to be doing. Make sense?
I kept finding myself in situations where everything would just come to a complete halt, and I was perpertually asking myself the same thing.. over.. and over. "Why is everything NOT getting done?" well, it wasn't getting done, because I would get so caught up in what had to be done, and then when I would get faced with the opportunity to get work done, I couldn't focus on the one task that I needed to focus on.
Instead I would think about ALL of the things that needed to be done.
I am not sitting here preaching about "living in the now" or anything like that.. but what I am saying is slow it down. Our moments, our days, our years are going by so incredibly fast. The people we love are coming in and out of our lives, and sometimes we don't even realize how much time has gone by that we haven't seen them, spoken to them, asked them... and I mean reallly asked them "how are you doing"... and then we wonder we have become such a stressed out society. Well, it's because we are too busy spending so much time thinking about the next task that needs to be done, and not giving ourselves the time that we deserve. Not giving ourselves the time to focus on what we're doing. Also, lets not forget, that what we're doing should be those things that bring us joy, those things that make us feel accomplished, motivated, inspired and driven.
We're too busy trying to multi-task, we're too busy making money, only to spend it on the next gadget that looks the exact same as the last one we bought.
I feel like I could go on for days about this, but I won't. But I will continue and say this. In this past week, I have been really trying to focus on what I am doing. It has made things a lot more enjoyable. It has allowed me to truly enjoy, embrace and understand what I am doing, and more importantly, WHY I am doing it.
I think I have mentioned in a previous post that I have an immense love for doing nice things for others. There have been a few instances in my life where my mind was simply on auto-pilot, and when I saw something that I remembered someone had told me they wanted, I would just buy it. I would get a gratifying feeling that would make me feel good inside. I would 'just-know' and Feel that I was doing something I enjoyed. I don't think that this habit will ever stop, but what I have noticed since I've made the choice to focus more on my tasks at hand was that it was even more enjoyable that I ever thought imaginable. This may seem so strange, but believe it or not, it's so true.
I feel that this seems to be the trend whenever I am back in London. I remember being in St John's this summer. Some nights we would stay up until 2,3,or 4 o'clock in the morning, chatting and enjoying one anothers company and not being immersed in the next task at hand. I remember some afternoons I would come home, and we could say "yeah, its 3pm, lets have a nap"... these moments were so enjoyable. Being able to exist in those moments gives true meaning to life.
The simplicity that life CAN offer, but we choose to over-complicate in so many ways.
The beauty that the people in our lives CAN offer, but we're too busy to embrace.
The joy that we CAN have in truly getting to know ourselves in the mesh of the world, but we're too busy.
Slow it down... and enjoy.
Since being in London, I have noticed some changes in the way that I view my day. I have noticed some changes in the way people around me view theirs. I can often displace myself from the stresses that others are feeling, but at times, I can't help but get caught up in the hussle-bussle of it all.
I had a moment yesterday when it hit me, and then I laughed at myself and actually said out-loud " wow, Sandy, that was not you at all" and I actually felt a small bit of guilt. As was driving, a car had jumped out in front of me on a road where the speed is about 70, and they were doing a MAXIMUM of 20. I got caught up in the thoughts of " what the hell are these people doing" and honked my horn... when normally my thought process would have been something a little more empathetic and understanding. It felt weird.
I acted as if my time was more important than someone elses. And lets be honest, no one's time is more important than anyone elses. We're all born, and we all exist in this same world, and time passes for all of us collectively. What we choose to do with our time is what makes us all different.
Focussing on what's next seems to be the trend of today. Lately, I have been realizing that I cannot keep focussing on whats next, mainly because it seems to clog up my brain. Instead I have been focussing more on the task at hand. Realizing that I am human, I am not superwoman, nor am I good at multi-tasking, I need to focus more on what I am doing as opposed to what I am going to be doing. Make sense?
I kept finding myself in situations where everything would just come to a complete halt, and I was perpertually asking myself the same thing.. over.. and over. "Why is everything NOT getting done?" well, it wasn't getting done, because I would get so caught up in what had to be done, and then when I would get faced with the opportunity to get work done, I couldn't focus on the one task that I needed to focus on.
Instead I would think about ALL of the things that needed to be done.
I am not sitting here preaching about "living in the now" or anything like that.. but what I am saying is slow it down. Our moments, our days, our years are going by so incredibly fast. The people we love are coming in and out of our lives, and sometimes we don't even realize how much time has gone by that we haven't seen them, spoken to them, asked them... and I mean reallly asked them "how are you doing"... and then we wonder we have become such a stressed out society. Well, it's because we are too busy spending so much time thinking about the next task that needs to be done, and not giving ourselves the time that we deserve. Not giving ourselves the time to focus on what we're doing. Also, lets not forget, that what we're doing should be those things that bring us joy, those things that make us feel accomplished, motivated, inspired and driven.
We're too busy trying to multi-task, we're too busy making money, only to spend it on the next gadget that looks the exact same as the last one we bought.
I feel like I could go on for days about this, but I won't. But I will continue and say this. In this past week, I have been really trying to focus on what I am doing. It has made things a lot more enjoyable. It has allowed me to truly enjoy, embrace and understand what I am doing, and more importantly, WHY I am doing it.
I think I have mentioned in a previous post that I have an immense love for doing nice things for others. There have been a few instances in my life where my mind was simply on auto-pilot, and when I saw something that I remembered someone had told me they wanted, I would just buy it. I would get a gratifying feeling that would make me feel good inside. I would 'just-know' and Feel that I was doing something I enjoyed. I don't think that this habit will ever stop, but what I have noticed since I've made the choice to focus more on my tasks at hand was that it was even more enjoyable that I ever thought imaginable. This may seem so strange, but believe it or not, it's so true.
I feel that this seems to be the trend whenever I am back in London. I remember being in St John's this summer. Some nights we would stay up until 2,3,or 4 o'clock in the morning, chatting and enjoying one anothers company and not being immersed in the next task at hand. I remember some afternoons I would come home, and we could say "yeah, its 3pm, lets have a nap"... these moments were so enjoyable. Being able to exist in those moments gives true meaning to life.
The simplicity that life CAN offer, but we choose to over-complicate in so many ways.
The beauty that the people in our lives CAN offer, but we're too busy to embrace.
The joy that we CAN have in truly getting to know ourselves in the mesh of the world, but we're too busy.
Slow it down... and enjoy.
Thursday, 17 November 2011
beauty comes from the being within...
Up until this point in my life, the question of "Who Am I?" never really crossed my mind. Maybe once in a blue moon when I was experiencing some sort of epiphany, or maybe even when I was under the influence of some sort of mind-altering substance, but the thought was never something that ever invaded my thoughts.
Over the course of the past year however, the question is certainly much more prominent in my mind. I think it may have to do with the fact that I have noticed that many of the people around me do not seem to know who They are. I am noticing this more and more each day.
I know who I am. I know what I believe in. I know what I love and I know what I hate. I know who I am in this world. I may not have the slighest clue where I want to be in my life in the future, but I certainly know that who I am as a person does not change. I don't change from person to person. I am me, and I am thankful for that. All of this being said, I am human, and I think I am pretty good at gaging certain situations. So, of course in certain situations with elders, superiors, friends and family, there are slight differences in my persona. But in all of these situations and scenarios, Sandy is Sandy. She does not change. Some of my vocabulary may be slightly altered in order to not offend anyone, but my honesty, my integrity, and my morals are in no way, shape or form comprimised. I am me.
I can only imagine how exhausting it must be for those people who alter themselves for the people around them. I wish these people would simply love themselves, and realize that if someone does not like them, that is perfectly fine. What would this world be if we were all the same. If we all liked the same things? There would be no passion, no individualism. As time progresses, the world is becoming this enormous brewing pot of universality. WHY? DON'T DO IT! Be Yourself, Fool!
Ever since my childhood, I have managed to take on some sort of a maternal role. I have played the Mom-Role in countless scenarios and different dynamics. That was how I would define myself in the world at an extremely young age. At times this is my favourite part about myself, but at some points in my life, it can be my detriment. Since my previous break-up one of that largest hurdles that I had to overcome was my desire to take care of someone. As time continues to pass, I am learning that I am a "someone" too, and I deserve to take care of myself. Despite the stress, despite the confusion and sadness that has led me to this realization, I could not be more thankful.
So, back to my initial reason for starting this post today. Do you know who you are? How do you define yourself? Are you real? Or are you only real based on circumstances? Do you only invest in certain situations when you know you're going to benefit from it? Or are you consistent in your being?
I am asking these questions because these are the thoughts that pass in and out of my mind as I see people around me pop in and out of my life whenever it seems convenient.
Being an extremely intuitive person, I can often catch on to these things. I am aware that I am a person who may not always "seem" like I am paying attention, but believe it or not, 99% of the time, I am, and in that time, chances are I am thinking... pretty profoundly about what is being said to me, and whether it is something that I truly believe, or whether I feel it is complete and utter rubbish. Facades are my forte. I can usually tell when someone is simply putting on a face, or whether they are genuine.
Side note.... This only seems to apply in the "friend" and "aquaintance" worlds of my life... I am not so good at gaging romatic situations.... This is something that I figure will just eventually make sense. I don't particularly see the need in investing too much thought into romance. It will happen when its meant to happen.
Ok, so back to what I was saying...this being said, I can often times see and feel if a person if putting on this facade because they have become so lost and so immeresed in the idea of pleasing others, that they have managed to lose themselves along the way. Sad times. Really
I guess these are just thoughts that have been in my mind over the past few months, and at times, these thoughts would embed some anxiety into my life, but as these thoughts would come in an out of my brain, the one thing that remained the same was that I knew who I was in this world, and at the end of the day that would resonate positvity in my life. I was allowing the uncertainties of others exhaust my thoughts, but realizing that was a complete waste of energy has been... beautiful.. really.
I guess what I am trying to get at here is... be yourself. We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses, and in our own little ways, we are all beautiful beings. Being individual is important, no two human beings are exactly the same. We have all be loved, or unloved, twisted and straightened out, built-up and broken down, lost and found, and shattered and refurbished in some way in our lives. This is what defines our paradigms and the way we see the world. It is ridding ourselves of the biases that we expect others to expect and being the person that we love. It's about being YOU, and being proud of that.
Over the course of the past year however, the question is certainly much more prominent in my mind. I think it may have to do with the fact that I have noticed that many of the people around me do not seem to know who They are. I am noticing this more and more each day.
I know who I am. I know what I believe in. I know what I love and I know what I hate. I know who I am in this world. I may not have the slighest clue where I want to be in my life in the future, but I certainly know that who I am as a person does not change. I don't change from person to person. I am me, and I am thankful for that. All of this being said, I am human, and I think I am pretty good at gaging certain situations. So, of course in certain situations with elders, superiors, friends and family, there are slight differences in my persona. But in all of these situations and scenarios, Sandy is Sandy. She does not change. Some of my vocabulary may be slightly altered in order to not offend anyone, but my honesty, my integrity, and my morals are in no way, shape or form comprimised. I am me.
Ever since my childhood, I have managed to take on some sort of a maternal role. I have played the Mom-Role in countless scenarios and different dynamics. That was how I would define myself in the world at an extremely young age. At times this is my favourite part about myself, but at some points in my life, it can be my detriment. Since my previous break-up one of that largest hurdles that I had to overcome was my desire to take care of someone. As time continues to pass, I am learning that I am a "someone" too, and I deserve to take care of myself. Despite the stress, despite the confusion and sadness that has led me to this realization, I could not be more thankful.
So, back to my initial reason for starting this post today. Do you know who you are? How do you define yourself? Are you real? Or are you only real based on circumstances? Do you only invest in certain situations when you know you're going to benefit from it? Or are you consistent in your being?
I am asking these questions because these are the thoughts that pass in and out of my mind as I see people around me pop in and out of my life whenever it seems convenient.
Being an extremely intuitive person, I can often catch on to these things. I am aware that I am a person who may not always "seem" like I am paying attention, but believe it or not, 99% of the time, I am, and in that time, chances are I am thinking... pretty profoundly about what is being said to me, and whether it is something that I truly believe, or whether I feel it is complete and utter rubbish. Facades are my forte. I can usually tell when someone is simply putting on a face, or whether they are genuine.
Side note.... This only seems to apply in the "friend" and "aquaintance" worlds of my life... I am not so good at gaging romatic situations.... This is something that I figure will just eventually make sense. I don't particularly see the need in investing too much thought into romance. It will happen when its meant to happen.
Ok, so back to what I was saying...this being said, I can often times see and feel if a person if putting on this facade because they have become so lost and so immeresed in the idea of pleasing others, that they have managed to lose themselves along the way. Sad times. Really
I guess what I am trying to get at here is... be yourself. We all have our strengths, and we all have our weaknesses, and in our own little ways, we are all beautiful beings. Being individual is important, no two human beings are exactly the same. We have all be loved, or unloved, twisted and straightened out, built-up and broken down, lost and found, and shattered and refurbished in some way in our lives. This is what defines our paradigms and the way we see the world. It is ridding ourselves of the biases that we expect others to expect and being the person that we love. It's about being YOU, and being proud of that.
Yes. Yes. and More Yes.
Well, I guess today is the day that I decide to share some thoughts... It's been too long. Again.
As of late, things have been.... well.. wonderful. Operation Awesome. Success. YES!
I am not entirely sure when things took their turn, but they did, and I could not be more thankful.
As I chatted on the phone last night with a friend, I mentioned to her that I had decided to be the "Yes Woman"... internally of course. I am not prancing around with a tag on my shirt proclaiming myself the "Yes Woman", instead I am choosing to say YES to pretty much any opportunity that comes my way. When the little scaredy-cat voice inside my head says "you shouldnt do this" I shut it off, and just give er'.
Now, at times this can be really scary, but I can honestly admit, that in all cases that I have said Yes since this revelation, I am finding pleasure in things that I never particularly thought possible. Up until these past....6-7 months, I was that person. I was the Yes Woman who took charge, who was not afraid, who took every challenge that came her way... but then as things slightly changed, I guess I became more fearful, and less confident. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that even if I had of failed before.. there was always someone who I thought would love me unconditionally... so the fear of failure wasn't as scary. Now, it in the single realm of the world, I guess it just took me a little longer to realize that at the end of the day.. despite the potential failures, I have to just love myself.
To give you a little idea of the little things that scare me.. here goes. Don't Judge
1. Driving in chaos. (Faced that fear and drove to Toronto TWICE) I survived. YES!
2. Letting someone at the gym guide me through a work out (Not sure why it scares me. But saying YES was an awesome, awesome decision)
3. Saying yes to Frozen Yogurt almost every day for 5 days (that scares me.. mainly due to the fat-factor... *sigh*)4. Spontaneously buying myself something nice. (This often instills some fearful feelings inside of me.... mainly because there are other things that I Could spend my money on) But I said yes, and I love my new slacks! Yes!
Now, you should do the same. What is the worst thing that could happen?
Really, really, think about the worst possible scenario. Now think of that, and realize that even if a certain scenario is an Epic Failure, you've have gained an experience, and chances are it will be something for you to laugh about in hindsight.
Yes is the best.
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