OK, so yes, it's been a while since I have posted.. and lets be honest, there's a slight chance that the next post may take a while to come up... but.. I do this at my leisure, and to be honest, I haven't been spending much time in front of my computer screen, or "leisuring" for that matter... (yes, I know that's not a word..)
Maybe I fibbed I bit. I could have made time to write, but instead I chose to be more socially-engaged in my short trip home to Fredericton, and another glorious trip to St John's NL... I was taking part in activities that did not include me being solitary staring at my computer screen in silence of any amount of time. The people, the feelings, the "doing anything and nothing" with the ones I care about was far more appealing than zoning out into cyber space.
The lack of writing does not mean that there has been a lack of thought process. To be completely honest, I have a million and one little posts that I have started, but with so many distractions... my brain managed to get too caught up in too many thoughts that I just put them aside. This evening, I deleted all of them with a new plan.
I plan to write more clearly, concisely, and with one specific point. This post is clearly about being more clear. How about I say the word "clear" once more?
I feel as though clarity is something that we all seek, and we all strive for; but in all honesty, when are our day to day activities purely black and white? When do we accept that the grey areas in life are actually full of opportunity, and when the clarity does arise in hindsight, it makes you wonder why you were ever concerned with the grey area in the first place.
I suppose I could make this a little more personal as opposed to speaking metaphorically about my life in colors. Sometimes... I become fearful. I am fearful that I may fail, I am fearful that I am making the wrong decisions, I am fearful that I hold myself back from great opportunities, and all in all, I am fearful of being... fearful. I am making myself sound like a really big "scaredy cat"... but I am not really THAT bad.
I am actually a relatively fearless person when it comes to many aspects of life... the biggest factor of fear for me lies in the future. Spontaneity should probably be my middle name, but I guess I am at a point in my life where I am trying to find a more clear picture of what my life is going to entail... which is evidently the scariest part of it all for me.
Tonight I am going to focus solely on my fear of failing, and what is ideal to me. Maybe it will help you solidify your thoughts about what is ideal to you...:)
I am afraid at times that my degree is not going to get me to the "ideal" place in life... but as I am writing this, I am realizing more and more that there is no ideal.. Is there?
I suppose "ideal" has a completely different meaning for each and every individual. What may be "ideal" to me, may quite possibly be the biggest nightmare for you.
Ideally my life would consist of helping people. It would consist of an enormous amount of interaction. Ideally this interaction would entail me listening, and helping others have a better understanding of themselves. I most definitely realize that I could have a career where I "tell" people what to do with regards to their health, their wellness, their fitness and everything else under the sun, but instead I want to help them figure it out for themselves. I want others to realize how wonderful they can be, how great they can feel inside and out, how beautiful they are as intellectual beings, and above all, I suppose I just want to make a difference.
When you take a look at yourself... the biggest feats that you have overcome are more than likely those obstacles that you have WANTED to overcome. The strength came from within. The motivation came from within. Your desire, your drive, your passion all came from within. So when I say I want to help others have a better understanding of themselves, that is exactly what I am saying. I want to help others FIND it within themselves. At the end of the day, if I am able to make others realize their happiness, I consider that to be a job well-done... ie. IDEAL.
As humans we often relate everyone in the entire universe to OURSELVES... but in reality, everyone else in the entire universe are individuals.. just like you and me. Each individual possesses individual traits, and no two people should be compared. What one may love, another may hate. What may make one laugh, may make another cry. What may make one angry, may make another happy. I could go on for days, but you get what I am saying. So, why not let individuals seek their own route to happiness and fulfillment? Why not help them pave the road instead of potentially driving them in the other direction?
This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~George Bernard Shaw
By writing this tonight, I have managed to put myself at ease, I have managed to answer some of my own questions. Maybe I should be a little more consistent with this writing thing. Perhaps I will commit to writing at least one post a week.
First resolution of 2012- Write More.
Operation Awesome continues.
