So, I was not kidding when I said that my last post was the first in a while, and the next would surely take a while to appear as well.
Here goes.
Thoughts... OUT.
Since I have been living in London, I have managed to develop a sense of.... something. I am not entirely sure what this something is.. but allow me to explain.
Every day, I have some sort of a plan. Every day I know when I am waking up, when I am going to class, when I am going to study, when my next assignment is due, when my next group meeting is, I know what I am eating when I am heading to the gym, when I am going to get groceries, when I am going to make it to yoga, when and where I am volunteering for any of the four given commitments I have made.... and the list goes on and on and on. With so many things on the go, I have managed to lose a little piece of Sandy.
I have managed to lose the little part of me that can really relax. Let's not confuse that with embracing. I have managed to keep tabs on my ability to embrace what is happening in that specific moment... However, going back to my inability to relax... I'm not entirely sure how that makes me feel. Actually, yes.. I do. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like a little part of me is missing. I know that this is all a part of the "university experience"... but... I think in the midst of midterms and studying and everything else.. my brain is becoming mushy and I am in need of some serious Sandy time.
To delve a little deeper into my thought process, I will continue on this tangent. As I stated previously.. I KNOW all of these things are going to happen, and I KNOW in what order they are going to happen, and for some reason, despite the chaos, I become somewhat OK with it all. What I am not so OK with is the studying/exam part of it all. I guess it creates so much unease for me because... well... I DON'T KNOW how its going to go. I don't know what I am going to be tested on. I do know that I have put in my best effort to KNOW the content, but I don't like the instability of NOT knowing, and that is just the icing on the cake when everything else seems to be ruling my life.
I don't think that makes me any different than any other student... but I guess this was just my way of coping with it all. Prior to writing this out, I was reading the same paragraph over and over again with a knot in my stomach not knowing what was happening inside. Writing it out helps. A lot.
On a positive note, I met with my academic counselor today. Relief. Graduation is in site. I could graduate earlier than December with a regular major's degree, but with the honors specialization at the tip of my fingers, it seems foolish to not stick it out.. I am here.. I might as well get it done... and well, that also brings me one step closer to getting my MPH...
Despite the extremely LONG route I have taken up until this point.. 3 universities later,almost 3 years off, and at least 20-25 "homes" in the past... 7 years.. I couldn't be more thankful. I am blessed to be where I am today. I have experienced things that I would never exchange for the world. I have met people that have taught me so much. I have loved and I have lost, and I have broken down and picked myself back up. Life is good. Appreciating what these moments have to offer is truly eye-opening.
At the beginning of this post.. I felt overwhelmed. I felt scared, and I felt.. vulnerable. I guess it is a good thing to feel vulnerable at times. It forces you to see the good. It forces you to open you eyes and appreciate the world of goodness that surrounds us. We could waste our time wallowing in our sorrows and living in fear. But at the end of the day.. what is the WORST possible thing that could happen? Chances are.. it is probably not that bad. If the worst possible thing happened.. then chances are.. it was meant to happen because you were meant to take a different route. At the end of the day, it always makes sense.. hindsight is always 20/20.
Wait, wait.
One more thing. When I asked "what is the worst possible thing that can happen.." I should have also stated the GREAT thing that come from EVERY scenario.
Life. Is. Good.
